No Show

On occasion, I am apt to view God as a "no show". Only on occasion, mind you.

Recently I have been receiving a lot of phone calls, from doctor's offices, dentists, eye doctors. They all are wondering the same thing: am I going to show up? I've been known to get three calls from the same doctor, in three days, all asking if I am going to keep my appointment. Despite my assurances, that yes, I am coming, they continue in their uncertainty. It causes me to wonder how many "no shows" they have in a day. I also feel slightly aggravated when they don't believe me. That is an affront to my character! I am a responsible woman, after all.

How is it that I can so easily affront God?

Every once in a while, I find myself in a situation where I am desperate to really see God, upfront and personal. I want to witness Him working on my behalf or for a loved one's benefit. Usually it happens when I have reached a place of doubt or insecurity or during a season of helplessness. I can't seem to find a firm footing on this ledge I am standing on and I just want to know that God is going to come to the rescue. I have called and called. I have heard Him clearly say in His word, "I will be there".

Yet, I continue in my uncertainty.

What's behind this fear that God will be a no show? I find it's usually rooted in my belief that the alternative, God not coming to my satisfaction, is too unbearable to contemplate. I could not endure the ensuing heartache. Stomach the repercussions of Him not doing things the way I would have Him do them.

Besides, if God doesn't show up, then I can blame Him for the mess or finally have proof that He is not big enough, so it's okay if I don't trust Him all the time. (And other assorted lies.)

Sometimes it's just that I have plumb run out of hope. My supply of God-is-good has been depleted by so many circumstances that appear to be anything but good.

I have sat in this chair of unbelief long enough. It's time to arise, step out and cling like a burr on the dog. Tenaciously. Deliberately. Wholeheartedly cling to the truth.

God is coming.

He will show up.

In fact, He's already here. I just don't recognize Him when He is dressed in doubt.