Cast Aside

I have been discarded.
Cast aside like an old pair of shoes, broken.
Tossed into the rubbish pile, like I don't matter. Don't count. Can't feel.
The disdain. The hurt. Of rejection. Of less-ness.
I wonder how to forgive. How to suffer, quietly. Without retaliation. Without fanfare or "notice me!"
I wonder how to be generous, or kind. How I can respond with the best and not the worst. How I can pray or know if God will answer.
I long to live graciously, the way God acts towards me. Matthew 5:48 Message
But I am stymied by my position, curled upon the floor, protecting my heart.  Warding off further hurt.
How do I unfurl the clench, face the world, brave?
How do I stretch the limbs, open-wide the heart, willingly expose the vulnerable spot within?
This is what God does. He gives His best- the sun to warm and the rain to nourish- to everyone, regardless. Matthew 5:45 Message
Oh. He gives to everyone. Regardless. In spite of. Unmindful. Heedless of disdain or rejection. He gives. Anyway. No matter what.
If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that. In a word, what I am saying is, Grow up. You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Matthew 5:46-48 Message
It is time to grow up. Give my best. Regardless. Simply give. Live like a daughter of the King and be generous.
Generous with grace. Abundant with kindness. Lavish in prayers. Over-the-top with love.
To live graciously, as my God acts towards me.
The bottom line?
Stop clinging to the hurt. Cling to my God, instead. And live.