Carny or Candy-machine?

I have been sad today. All day long. The kind of sad that causes me to crank and snap like some snarling dog whose territory has been invaded. I wonder where I think I earned the right to have a "good" life, full of "good" days. You know the kind filled with happiness and overflowing with bubblegum and lollipops. The type of days we all assume we will have or that we should have.

                                             https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1295/1266531409_7c8de77f05_z_d.jpg   Hessam

I expect God to be some carny who hands out prizes without ever playing the game. Or I am simply angry when the game is hard or feels rigged so I never win.
How did God ever get relegated to candy-machine status? Dispensing goodies whenever we want? If this was all God was good for, then everyone would be in line to get in on all the free prizes. I am like some warped board that has sat in the puddle of greed too long. Why else would I insist on care-free, happy days? And why do I balk at painful ones? You know, the kind where you feel like you are sucking air all day, trying to breathe, trying to "make it through". How many days have I gritted my teeth, hoping for the best?
Surely, God must laugh with mocker's scorn over such foolishness. Nay, rather He weeps, with love and compassion, dying for the very love of me. Dying, to rescue me, from a meager existence like that.
What I abhor, He relishes. I detest days of sadness, of feeling stuck in my hurt and anger. He relishes the opportunity to be Enough on those same days. While I drag my feet, scuffing my toes, over the ugly, He waits on high to be gracious to me. (Isaiah 30:18)

When will I learn? The more holes that are cut into the paper, the lovelier the snowflake. Each nick and cut into my heart allows more of God to shine through. When will I get it? Understand the truth of 2 Corinthians 12:9-10? Weaknesses are a gift to be delighted in. Sadness and ache are doors to be opened with thanksgiving, allowing me to experience more of God. Instead of bemoaning a rough day, I need to willingly receive the gift: the fullness of God poured out upon me.
Only then, can my sad days be transformed into my best days. Because I get the best of God. The best of all He offers. To me.