Don't Like Hard

See, here's the thing. I don't like Hard. Surprise! (I know. That one really threw you, huh?) I'm sure you love Hard! Love it as much as rocks in your bed or an elephant sitting on you. Let's say it together: “It's no fun! I don't like it!” There. That feels better.  I think God's word should make statements like that, don't you? Verses like “Seek Him with all your heart.”, or “Rejoice in the Lord!”, feel like too much honey dripping off the bread. It’s not substantial or helpful. Instead it's messy and just doesn't stick to my heart. Kind of like applying a bandaid to a wet wound. Slides right off.
In my world, it's felt like a lot of Hard lately. A lot of days where my heart oozes sad like cement walls in the basement after a rain. Days when the ache is so great over the loss of one more, the loss of this one, it's felt like an elephant sitting right there, on my chest. Not budging.
So, this has been my plan of attack: run!
Run start another project.
Run plan some more.
Run to my craft room and hide.
And I keep looking for those “helpful” verses like, “When life gets difficult, cover it up.” Or how about this one? “If your heart is broken, run down the escape tunnel.”
Funny, I can't seem to find those. And that would have been so soothing, I'm sure.
Bleh. So now what?
Has your Honey ever elbowed you, trying to get your attention? (Usually it's to get you to stop whatever it is you're doing.) Ok, I'll admit it. God's been elbowing me.
He's been poking me in the ribs with words: “I am near to the broken-hearted.”
Seriously? I've read this page before. Numerous times.
This time, though, He's been asking me this question:
 Do I want Him near?
Now that seems really obvious. Of course we want someone who loves us, someone big and strong by our side. (Kinda like my Best standing with me on a dark night in a rough neighborhood.) Yep, that's what I want!
Then my God whispers gentle: Are you willing to be sad, to be broken-hearted to have Me closer?
Oh.
And He reminds me of all the times I hovered near that one in the hospital, anticipating needs, comforting and reassuring.
Oh.
And when she broke that bone at the bottom of the ravine and I ran, (Ran!) to be with her, shouting words of love as I was running.  Shouting, so she could hear. I couldn't mend the broken or haul her out of there, but I could be near, holding her close as we anticipated the EMT’s arrival.
This is what my God has been asking: Am I willing to be in this sad place, this broken spot, while He holds me close? While I weep and yell to have Him hurry?
Am I willing?
Gulp.
So, maybe, just maybe, we've had it all wrong.
Instead of living in dread of the Hard, or attempting to avoid the busted, maybe we need to be running right there, into, the ache. Like a sailboat heads into the wind. Maybe, we need to be willing, to have Him near.
Maybe, when the tears leak endless, we need to anticipate having a closer view. Of Him.

If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there; if you're kicked in the gut, He'll help you catch your breath. Psalm 34:18 Message