Thursday, August 16, 2012

Recalcitrant Child

My house burned today.
My soul was scorched with the flames.
If you know your house will be no more, what do you take?
I found I could not part with my journals, my Bibles, my writing. I had to have my son's pictures: the one who smiles only in heaven now. I could not leave without a painting done by a great-aunt that has always hung in my mom's house and now in mine. And the silverware that sat in pitchers on the table. Silverware given to me 30 years ago by my Best.
Those were the things I had to have in the limited moments of grabbing while smoke swirled about me.
And all afternoon as the fire burned, and the firemen worked, the Lord asked me to yield. To give it ALL to Him.
I could not. I did not want to. Wasn't it enough to yield my children, to yield my husband? Wasn't it sufficient to yield my dream house? Did He not have enough of my possessions? Must I now give all? Down to the mementos of children and memories of grandmothers? ALL???
I rebelled. Though my Lord whispered “I am Enough,” again and again.
I refused to give to my God what He had so freely given.
“I am Enough” did not feel sufficient as my house burned and I was unsure of what would be left.
He says in His enduring word: Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever. Psalm 107:1
I was recalcitrant child sitting on the floor, screaming, demanding my own way. Just as the toddler finally crawled into her father's lap seeking comfort, I long to crawl up in my Father's lap. I long to be held and cared for.
In His arms, I will find His goodness.
In His arms, I will experience enduring love.
Even in the midst of flames.

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