The jaws clench tight. The head aches.
It's this situation. This chaos in my life.
I feel out-of-control. Helpless.
I don't like it. It pushes my buttons. Causes the stomach to knot further.
I want to kick. To flail. To scream.
It hurts. Feels unsafe. Insecure.
I can't fix it. There's no magic wand to wave. No fairy godmother.
Only the uncertainty.
It's funny. How often I've said it.
“God, You be in charge.”
Here I am, not in control. Not in authority.
Only God. And I am fussing.
Why won't I listen to my own words? Why won't I hear His?
“I will cry to God Most High, to God who accomplishes all things for me.”
He wants to accomplish ALL.
He is able to complete ALL.
The very position I detest is the best position to be: helpless.
I cry out: I relinquish control.
And He accomplishes.