My heart ached. I felt bruised and sore. I feared being bumped... touched in that throbbing place. I avoided others, those who only desired to love me. I avoided the pain. How could it remain after so long? How dare it rear its head, now! I could not fathom it. I knew my son's birthday was approaching. It came each year, faithfully, steadfastly. Birthdays do.
Then I lay in bed one night, reading, hiding. Luke sauntered in. Vibrant, funny, sassy, teasing. Full of 16 life-filled years. For an hour he playfully harassed, and dislodged me from my hiding. We wrestled and laughed . And I was grateful for such a son. For a relationship in which our hearts are knitted with life. Refreshing.
The next morning I awoke in agony of heart and soul. He had been a son just like this one. Our relationship had been of the same fabric as Luke's and mine. We had laughed and played. I had been harassed and cajoled by him. He , too, had been full of 16 life-filled years. And now, there was nothing. No son. No relationship knitted with life. It was gone. He was gone.
The pain, when I allowed it, was searing. How could I be spending the 10th birthday without him? How could I only be left with fragments of a life and not the life itself? I sobbed. I cried out to the God of all Comfort. TODAY I need to be comforted! TODAY I need You to be who You say You are! Today, oh Lord, I need You to come.....
And He did. Within an hour of my heart cries, I received a text from a son telling me he loved me. That's all. A random text, the type he never sends. Next I had a phone call from a friend checking on me. As I was talking to her, my grandchildren showed up. The grandchildren full of life, and excitement over seeing me and giggles. All within an hour's time.
Yes, He is the God of ALL Comfort. His grace IS sufficient. He is Enough.
I marvel at how quickly He came to me. How immediate His comfort was.
Does He marvel how slow I was in crying out? Does He long to comfort when I simply want to hide? It is only right and natural my heart would be so bruised. Fear kept me away. Fear He would not Comfort, would not be Enough. He has proved me wrong. Again. I am grateful.