Monday, April 2, 2012

I am Afraid

It is the stark terror that gets to me. I don't know what to do with it. This overwhelming fear that I will be the next widow. I thought I had this dread under wraps. Well hidden. Dealt with. Now, like a viperous snake it is exposed . Ugly. Dangerous, life-sucking . I am left reeling, faltering, wavering. Hurling insults to those I love, simply because I am terrified.
The fear slithered in when we buried my Beloved's brother last week. Cancer. This week it is an old family friend, diagnosed. Again, cancer. The very word, cancer, leaves me panicked. It ravaged my Beloved once already. Its attack has always felt around the next corner. Doctors said it would be around the next corner.
So, here I am. Exposed. Raw. Panic-stricken.
And they cried out for fear. But immediately, Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.” Matthew 14:26-27
Immediately. Instantly. Quickly. That's how prompt Jesus was to respond to the disciples terror. Oh, Father of Mercy, respond to my cries!
Take courage. Take it. Grab on to it. Grasp it firmly.
Courage. Stand fast in the face of hardship. Show strength of heart in the midst of fear. How? How do I stand fast when I can barely stand at all?
“It is I. “ Look at who it is that says “It is I, Deb.” Cast your eyes upon your God. Who is He?
He is good. He is wise. He is the God of all comfort. He is sovereign. He is kind and tender. He is able. He hears, and sees and responds, for He is compassionate. This Father of Mercy, is the one who says, “It is I.”
Do not be afraid. As a result of who my God is, don't give way to panic.
The snake of dread slithers away. I sob in relief.
Terror of tomorrow is replaced with trust for today.
God has come. Without delay.

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