Thursday, June 26, 2014

As a Lark

I am as happy as a lark.
I wonder at how many years I have avoided that tree branch. Where I could simply rest. And sing my heart out.
Oh, I've circled round it. Landed a few times. Even warbled a note or two. I've wrestled with the leaves, that I was convinced were in my way. I have fluttered wearily circling that tree, sure, it wasn't meant for me.
But in the early, in the quiet stillness of slumbering loves, I realize. My limbs are resting, my heart filled with song. The sense of safety, settles into the crevices of my being.
Like the waves, pounding the shore, comes the knowledge, that I am right where I belong. I am nestled, snug, and satisfied.
I have spent too long, flying into window panes, beating myself up. I was sure, that if I tried hard enough, if I just trusted God enough, or if I was a better person, I could avoid this demon, that I have fought for so long.
Can I just speak it plain? Boldly admit it?
Depression has stalked me, most of my adult life.
It is not something I have to hide from, be ashamed of or circle wearily around. I have not failed God, or myself. It is simply who I am. How my Creator designed me. With the swallow of one pill, those chemicals, lopsided, are put right.
You probably already know that. It is me who needed to learn. It is me who needed to land on that branch, willingly. And stay there.
This is why, I have awakened in the early, startled by the joyous notes warbling.
I realize I am at peace. That despite the winds blowing through my life, His grace is sufficient. That depression has simply become another weak place, another opportunity to experience more of my God. That I am. Happy as a lark.

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