The Earth's Yawn

The earth yawned small. An opening deep into soil,  deep into dreams, ruined. Wasn't it yesterday, and the day before when I stood near such gaping? When arms were left empty when I had expected long years?

"Memories are so few
Moments of time,
When I expected long years.
Dreams are forgotten,
Left lying in your grave.
So little left to cling to---
A thousand wishes,
Scattered in the wind. "     10-25-91


The years slip by like pages in a book, littered with words, with stories. My eyes drip memories, now sweet. Back then, yesterday, a lifetime ago, the flames were raging, seeking to destroy me with longing, with loss. I view these around me, suffering, with sharpened vision. I see myself, the broken one, within them, back at the beginning of this story. I recognize the confusion, the doubts of God's love, the feasting upon the emptiness.

"Grief called my name.
I answered kicking and screaming,
With loud wails and with tears.
Grief can only call you
When you're left with emptiness,
Instead of holding someone dear.
I'd rather Grief not call me,
Yet from time to time it must.
I hope I hear God call me,
For in this too, I must trust."         8-31-01


Now? Now, I know, without a doubt, that my Father, in His endless love for me, has carried me, every step of the way. I am as convinced of His presence as I am of my own breath. Now, I am no longer hungry. I have been satisfied by the riches of His grace, the depth of His mercy.
As I stare into that yawn of mud and flowers strewn, into the darkness of hopes now dead, I am pierced with humbleness in the midst of His goodness. I find myself unable to remain silent. The songs of worship burst out of me like the sun, dawning upon a new day. With renewed vigor, I can proclaim:

"The parched valley,
The vast wasteland of my soul,
It was there, THERE!
My thirst was quenched
By Love Unsparing.
Do not quake, oh my soul,
At thoughts of further wastelands.
Rejoice, oh, rejoice!
Love Unyielded
Awaits me there."         6-20-03