I'm mad. Ticked. Angry. You see I just figured out I have spent my whole life trying to be perfect. Perfect, with a capital P. I have invested my whole life into being and doing the right thing at the right time ,in the right way. My WHOLE life!! Spent trying to get it right!!
Here's the kicker: God assumes I will get it wrong. He assumes I will fail. Fall short. Not measure up. And that's where the anger comes in. After I have worked so hard, tried so hard, my whole life long, He blithely lets me know: it's not good enough.
I just chatted with a man who was discussing computers. “They don't get it! There should be a command you can press that translates ,' You know what I mean'. They just don't get it!”
The Lord has been tapping me on the shoulder. “You don't get it ,Deb. I am holy. I am Perfect, with a capital P. For ALL have sinned and fall short. Apart from Me, you can do NOTHING.”
I still stew... So, I am doomed to a life of failure?? Great. Just great.
By now, even God is probably looking for that button to push that says ,”You know what I mean!!” Instead He taps my heart after yet another lack.
“Deb, your focus is in the wrong place. Pleasing others, trying to be perfect is all about you. And I will have no other idols before me! Your focus needs to be on ME and what I am doing and want to do in and through your life. Focus on ME.”
My anger slithers away. So does my pride.
Oh, now I remember. That part about being weak. 2 Corinthians 12 says that not only is it okay to be weak, but I can delight in my weakness. Only then is God's power perfect in me.
Ahhh! So in my failure, I find Perfect. Lack equals perfect. So the more I admit my lack, the more I find Perfect.
Now I call that grace!